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So I took some pictures so people can check on my progress and hopefully motivate myself to get on and get thinner. (Although I seriously doubt whether people really bother to read these things!)
OK, I've started with my legs because people keep telling me that they look slim, All I see is fatty imperfections, I mean look at those sodding love handles!!!
I did this one, because I love my arms... They've always been small, because I never really did much exercise on them... so they've never really developed.. But also I get this really horrible double chin flabby extra skin thing below my chin (does any body know what I'm talking about?!) So I was just making sure that it wasn't that bad... but it is!
I WON'T SAY ANYTHING!!!!Although looking forward,,, I bought a exercise ball the other day so when I can get my dad to sort it out for me, after going for my run in the mornings I can do exercises on that!! YAY!!!
CW: 10st 11
HW: 12st 4
LW: 9st something (i was depressed and not really too sure what my weight was!)
GW: 10st 7
This is me now:
How I'd Like To Look (although even thinner would be better):
And Finally The Good Ol' Trust Collar Bones:
I really need to drop more weight, like I said Sean doesn't wanna wake up next to a fatty!!
STAY STRONG! EATING'S WRONG
Then Saturday he wanted to go to the shops and buy food.. well thats fine buying it, but then he kept asking me if i was hungry and saying that I must be as I hadn't eaten all day. Then Sean picked up and used my phone, well I have a screensaver message saying 'You're Too Fat' and he properly started questioning me about it :S We went to sainsbury's and bought some pasta, I purpously made sure that I bought filled pasta that I wouldn't like, so that I didn't eat much of it. But we went out Saturday night and I drank alittle bit too much and was nearly in tears telling him how I wasn't perfect and an awful person; That I need to be perfect for him because that's what he deserves... He keeps telling me he doesn't like skinny guys and to not get any thinner, but no one would want a fat lardo like me. I just don't wanna loose him, he's already had to deal with the fact that I've recently started cutting myself again, which I'm annoyed about because I thought I'd beat that!!
Just A Big Fat Twat Really
Wannarexic... that's what I am, I'm a fucking wannarexic, I've deceived you all! I starve myself for weeks then I go back to eating normally for weeks.. I can't do anything properly. Im disgusted when I look at myself, I just want to get a knife and fucking cut away all the fat. Skin and Bones thats whats true.
I can't get fat, I hate myself, I've lied to everyone. I'm a twat!
I need to be thin.
Take today for example... lunch: batcherlors super noodles, salt and vinegar snack a jack. mattersons roast chicken bites and 5 pints. FAT FUCK.... running tomorrow... can't put the weight on.
All I want to do is cry when I see myself in the mirror... I'm fucking worthless!!!
Please forgive me!!
Anyways back to today at college, After I came back in from lunch break (my lunch was TONNES of fags, Green Tea and some tic tacs) my hairdressing teacher thought it'd be funny for us to answer the register with what we'd eaten for lunch. So I started to FREAK out thinking, Fuck she saw me. Or someone else saw me and they're gonna tell everyone... But when it got to me I just shouted out Subway... THEN I couldn't stop thinking about having a Subway so became STARVING... managed to take my mind off of it eventually..
Finally after finishing college I went to Primark and managed to pick up my tracksuit so from now on I am going to bed early and running every morning before work. Normally (because I'm lazy) I would only do it for a few days and then give up... but now that Sean is kinda in my life I have to make sure I look perfect and beautiful for when he moves back down in Febuary... let's face it.. he's not going to want to kiss this big fat lump of shit.
I was thinking in bed the other night, and I don't have an ED.. I may be on the verge of getting one but a) I'm too large and b) occassionally I do eat normally and have awful food but then feel really guilty and try and fast it away.... BUT I have this distant memory of my first boyfriend (bout 5 years ago) I was sat on him, and we were talking - about what fuck knows - but he burst into tears and was begging me to eat. So maybe I have always been funny with food... Maybe I am skin and bones but my mind fucks me up.. or maybe I dunno... Does anyone else start thinking like this... It's a proper head fuck.
Sorry bout the rant!
Urgh last night i got really drunk and then sent my friend a massive rambling text about how much i hate myself and my body and how i just want to die. I look at my stomarch and I just want to slice it open and pull everything out. Problem was is i actually started to have a panic attack, I got all shaky (infact I'm feeling shaky remembering it) my palms went really sweaty and i felt dizzy everytime i looked down at my fat flabby belly! Urgh!
I've learnt to calm myself down now though, feeling around my collar bone seems to calm me down. I took some pics so you could see how they're coming on, I put some major weight on over xmas so they're not as impressive as they were.
Obviously Im pushing them out but i love doing that in the mirror.. Urgh look at that double chin!
Thats normal... still a very long way to go, infact they look proper fatty, don't know why I'd be proud of that anyways!
Luckily I somehow managed to get a really nice guy on new years eve. he's lovely and fantastic... and that also gives me the added insentive to loose more weight, because he's not going to want to be with me when he sees me for the truely fat bastard I am.
Going to loose weight, going to be happy.
A few days before new years I regressed and cut myself quite a bit., I haven't done that in bout 4 years, annoyed with myself and determined never to do it again.
I ALSO managed to purge properly on xmas eve.. which i was really happy about although afterwards I was really shaky... but for some reason when I try to do it now, it doesn't work... so I am going to keep trying and soon I'll persevere, So I've decided.... try and avoid food as much as possible and if i do have to eat if it is possible purge asap! that'll get me going.
Being Flabby, I'm Unhappy, Being Thinner, I'm a Winner
x
Height: 5ft 8
HW: 12st 4
LW: I don't know it exactly but it's kicking round the 9stone mark
CW: 11st 4
BMI: 24 (Urgh)
GW: 10st 7
I'm feeling optimistic... although I've been plateaued out between 11stone - 11stone 7 for AGES!!!
But I would be OVER the moon if soon I would hit 10stone, even the highest part of 10stone, just to say I did it!
Ive decided that I'm not going to eat at work ever again, they'll all be fine with it.,, my boss hardly eats as it is (i think she's ana) and others are too busy to notice if im eating or not... ahhh, i can feel this being a new start... I will be thin and beautiful.... So my plan basically is, if I can avoid the food.... do it!
Ok, So I'm a naughty boy and haven't been on here for a while.
I still feel as disgusting as ever, but without everyone here supporting me I just kept eating!!!
Actually having the set three square meals with my rents... and for a while i was still loosing weight, which i thought... way hey! But it's starting to go back on... and I'm finding it really difficult to motivate myself to fast. Maybe really psychologically maybe i want to be a fat whale!! urgh.. think i just had to swallow down some sick.., the idea of being an even bigger fatter whale just don't bare thinking about!
Urgh I'm such a stupid weak idiot... thinking about my body actually makes me start to well up, i fucking hate my body... it's like a big blubbery cage, containing a boney little butterfly that's desperate to be set free!
Took some pics, looking at them'll hopefully show myself HOW much more I need to loose, and make the rest of you feel good!!!
Anyways sorry bout the rant... urgh. don't know why anyone would be interested anyways!
OK, So I haven't been on here for a while, I'll basically tell you why. There was this girl that said that this forum should be for girls with a BMI of under 17, and to be fair the majority of you agreed with her.
But what she never understood is what everyone else goes through that might have a BMI larger than that. She was even trying to strim-line EDs, Making larger people feel more worthless than they already did. To her I just want to say before she became 'medically anorexic' she was chances are over this BMI size. So recently I (stupidly) thought I'd try to conform to her post until my BMI was low enough. Well SCREW me it hasn't worked; without the support of everyone on this site I've been eating SO much junk food. For example this weekend I have had a Dominos pizza and chinese. I used to be SO much stronger with your guys help.
Without it I'm nothing - just the fat fucking bastard I am.
I've managed to get down to 11stone 3.5 (started at 12stone 4) but it's not enough that's what annoyed me bout that girl - some of us do start out larger - but still dream of skin and bones like the rest of you and maybe you shouldn't descriminate.
I'm so happy because now I can feel my rib bones through my clothes and my collar bone juts out like a bitch - But I still have a long way to go.
Basically I'm championing the people that start out larger that this size because our pain is just as real as yours
Simon
x
Weight after fast: 166.7
Although it technically wasn't a real fast because i did have a bit of salad (so i thought it wouldn't really count).
I really happy that i lost this weight and everyone at work has noticed that ive lost it.
Looking forward for friday when i will fast again, fast : friday, saturday, sunday(until' dinner) proper excited!!
- Mood:
excited
Well day three, and i haven't done nearly as well as I did yesterday... ofcourse silly old me got up and automatically couldn't stop thinking about the scales and desperately wanted to see how much I've lost. Half a lb... THAT nothing compared to yesterday (well atleast I'm going down I suppose). So I decided fuck it I'll go for a run that'll burn some cals, Could I run?! I was SOO tired and I couldn't get my breathing right! I ended up only running for like 10-15mins (although that might trick my body into loosing some cals!).
I think that I might actually have a LIGHT lunch (salad or something) that'll hopefully kick my meta into action. Also the salad might have some of those fat burning foods in them... Anyways... lets hope for the best!!
Hope everyone has been/is being alittle bit more sucessful than me today (not too succesful though!! hehe)
Talk laters.
Think Thin
x
- Mood:
annoyed
So its half way through the day. And I'm half way through my fast.
I was MEANT to go for a run this morning but I had such a bad nights sleep that I just wasn't in the mood.
I'll chances are go later, It'll get me out of the house I suppose.
So far through my fast Ive had : Shed loads of water
One glass of water with a tea spoon of sugar (just to try and stop me shaking)
Two black teas without sugar
And half a glass of milk to try and "fill me up" and replace calcium.
Found a reall good web-site on fat burning foods.. although some of the calories are a bit high so i might watch what i eat even from there.. but the berries seem to be really good, esp. strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and grapes.
Hoping I can try and avoid the big sunday dinner.
I managed to loose 5.6lbs so far just from yesterday and want to try and keep the loosing up for today! Dinner will chances are ruin all my good work!
Going shopping tomorrow with mother, if she wants to stop off for lunch i think we'll go somewhere i can get a small salad and green tea.. so hopefully I can burn that off whilst shopping... or if all goes well tell her i had a massive breakfast and possibly couldn't manage lunch.
Don't know what I'll do at dinner though.. Might 'make myself something'
Anyways thats tomorrow I'll see how I go.. anyways right now I have to focus on being strong and avoiding dinner at all costs...
Good Luck Me!
THINK THIN
X
So it's the first day of my fast today (saturday) and I'm hoping it'll last til tues.
Its the first fast Ive done in awhile.
Today so far I have only had water pass my lips (couldn't tell you how much though! hehe)
Seeing as the time is 20:50 I've got a really good feeling that I'll last til bedtime.. and I'll just take tomorrow as it comes!
Feeling so good and proud of myself right now!!
hungry
